The Brutalist Report

The Onion

• Lollapalooza Security Guard Accused Of Faking Shooting Threat To Leave Work Early [1142d]
• Strong Jobs Report Underscores Just How Much Of A Loser Unemployed Man Is [1142d]
• Police Did Great Job, Police Say [1142d]
• HHS Declares You Can’t Let Monkeypox Hold You Back If You Have Chance To Get Laid [1142d]
• Drunk Partygoer Falls Off Roof Attempting To Jump Off Roof [1142d]
• The Onion’s Test Sweatshop Helps You Have Fun In The Sun [1142d]
• Californians Explain Why They Should Secede From The Nation [1142d]
• Slumping Aaron Judge Fails To Hit Home Run For Entire At-Bat [1142d]
• Earth Spinning Faster Than Usual, Has Shortest Day Ever [1142d]
• Epidemiologist Blows Conch Horn After Spotting New Covid Variant Cresting Over Horizon [1142d]
• Navy Spends Majority Of Boot Camp Training Recruits To Fence Using Marlins [1142d]
• Doctors Suggest Treating Back Pain With Maybe Some Kind Of High-Tech Robot Back Thing [1143d]