The Brutalist Report

The Onion

• Election Touchscreen Map Takes Deeper Look Inside Key Swing Voter [20d]
• RFK Jr. Demands Secret Service Protection After Finding Cheez-It On Kitchen Floor [20d]
• Morbidly Obese Trump Boys Regret Eating So Many Ballots [20d]
• Tom Brady Breaks Down Exactly Why Jiu Jitsu Instructor Could Never Please Gisele [20d]
• Stars And Strips [20d]
• Nation’s Impish Swing Voters Announce They Have Little Surprise In Store [20d]
• Travis Kelce Asks Nerd For Help Passing Concussion Protocol [20d]
• Georgia Officials Remind Voters To Bring 2 Forms Of Weapon To Intimidate Election Workers [20d]
• Poll Watcher Slaps ‘I Voted Sticker’ On Bump Stock [20d]
• Polling Place Boosts Attendance With ’80s Night [20d]
• Nation Braces For Potential Post-Election Violence [20d]