The Brutalist Report

The Onion

• Secret Service Agent Starstruck After Seeing Taylor Swift’s Bodyguards [15d]
• Travis Kelce Plays Super Bowl In Gucci Bucket Helmet [15d]
• Trump Asks Which One The Ball [15d]
• Man Hangs Arm Off Couch For Rest Of Game Instead Of Washing Sauce Off Fingers [15d]
• Eagles Score On 99-Yard Tush Push [15d]
• Super Bowl Coin Toss Fractures World Into Infinite Multiverses Where Eagles Win, Lose, Earth Explodes [15d]
• Andy Reid Removes Bald Cap for National Anthem [15d]
• NFL Confirms Players Will Still Wear ‘Fight Bigotry’ Jockstraps [16d]