The Brutalist Report

The Onion

• Igloo Recalls Coolers Over Finger Amputation Risk [10d]
• Joann Fabrics Announces Plans To Make Mishmash Store Out Of Shuttered Locations’ Scraps [10d]
• JD Vance Sets Out Little Heart-Covered Mailbox On Desk Just In Case [10d]
• Tips For Embracing Single Life [10d]
• FTC.Gov Redirects Users To Latvian Sports Gambling Site [10d]
• Jalen Carter Flees Scene In Parade Float [10d]
• New Evidence Suggests Humans Developed Written Language To Avoid Breaking Up In Person [10d]
• Mysterious Tar Balls Washing Up On Florida Beaches [10d]
• Kendrick Lamar Awarded Nobel Beef Prize [10d]
• Concerned Bartender Takes Away Pete Hegseth’s Security Clearance [10d]
• Reptile Handler At Birthday Party Ruthlessly Heckled By 6-Year-Old For Showing Amphibian [10d]