The Brutalist Report

The Onion

• California To Ban Sale Of New Gasoline Cars By 2035 [1120d]
• Astronomers: ‘We Told You This Was Your Best Chance To See The Perseid Meteor Shower—We Fucking Told You—And You Squandered It’ [1120d]
• Twin Fact: Did You Know? [1120d]
• Rural Resident Has To Travel More Than 2 Miles To Hear Nearest Neighbors Have Sex [1120d]
• Trump Claims Seized Classified Documents Had Been In His Family For Generations [1120d]
• Bloody Janet Yellen Drags U.S. Treasury Funds Through Arizona Desert After Money Supply Handoff Goes South [1120d]
• LeBron James Declares Re-Signing With Lakers Gives Him Best Chance To Miss Playoffs [1120d]
• Texans React To School Book Bans [1120d]
• Chet Holmgren Assures Fans He’ll Be Back And Perfectly Healthy For 9 Games Next Year [1120d]
• The Onion Guide To BeReal [1120d]
• Aunt’s Head Snaps Clean Off Under Weight Of Chunky Statement Necklace [1120d]
• Japan’s Tax Agency Encouraging Young Population To Drink More Alcohol [1120d]
• ‘When Did I Eat Asparagus?’ Thinks Man Excreting Whole Asparagus Stalk From Urethra [1120d]