The Brutalist Report

The Onion

• They Can’t Even [1106d]
• Remembering Elizabeth II, Britain’s First Girl King [1106d]
• Poll Finds Most Americans Are Quiet Quitting [1106d]
• Deceased Queen Elizabeth Continues To Wave At Subjects As Maggots Writhe Inside Corpse [1106d]
• Lawyer Informs Royal Family That Queen Has Left Throne To Overall-Wearing Alabama Resident [1106d]
• ‘Madden’ Glitch Lets Player Win Super Bowl With Texans [1106d]
• CTA Increases Police Presence With Armored SWAT Vehicles On Each Train [1106d]
• Ultra-Realistic ‘NBA 2K23’ Update Adds Unexplainable Horseshit Calls [1106d]
• [NOTE: Do Not Run Until Fucking Queen Is Dead Or People Will Lose Their Shit] Queen Elizabeth Dead At 96 [1106d]
• iPhone 14 Camera To Include Director For Highest-Quality Video Yet [1106d]
• Smithsonian Devotes New Exhibit To First African-American To Use Whites-Only Glory Hole [1106d]
• ‘Wait, This Has Weed In It?’ Asks Panicked Party Guest Speaking Through Mouthful Of Buds [1106d]
• Midterms 2022: You Vote Polls Go Elect Election Of Lifetime Choice You Ballot Booth Country Pick [1106d]
• CPR Instructor Recommends Giving Gentle Forehead Kisses Between Chest Compressions So That Victim Feels Safe [1106d]
• Republicans Explain Why They Oppose Ranked-Choice Voting [1106d]
• 17th-Century ‘Vampire’ Found Buried With Sickle Over Neck To Prevent Rise From Dead [1106d]
• FanDuel Attracts New Users With Free $50 Debt [1106d]