The Brutalist Report

The Onion

• Airline To Weigh Passengers Before They Board Flight [1067d]
• Unprepared Tim Cook Frantically Taping Battery To Pair Of Sunglasses For Apple Event [1067d]
• Elizabeth Holmes Discovers Secret Of Theranos Technology Right As Prison Cell Door Closes [1067d]
• Pence Says Decision To Run For President Came After God Told Him He Could Get 6-Figure Speaking Deal From It [1067d]
• ‘Oppenheimer’ Given Surprise R Rating For Title Character’s Near-Constant Full-Frontal Nudity [1067d]
• Jimmy Carter Becomes World’s Heaviest Man At 850 Pounds [1067d]
• Mom Started Shopping At Store Called Glitzy Diva [1068d]
• Parents Explain Why They Oppose ‘Woke’ Universities [1068d]
• Florida Board Of Education Bans Any Mention Of Outside World [1068d]
• Christian Couple Ends Fight With Passionate Makeup Abstinence [1068d]
• Man’s Only Remaining Source Of Pleasure Is Being Mad In The Car [1068d]
• Plane Passenger Opens Door Midway Through Flight [1068d]