The Brutalist Report

The Onion

• Trump Tariffs Upend Global Economic Order [121d]
• Parents Gently Explain To Child That Their Money In Heaven Now [121d]
• Megan Fox Confirms She And New Baby Will Co-Parent Machine Gun Kelly [121d]
• Climate Protestors Throw Paint On The Louvre’s 1988 Copy Of ‘Hustler’ Magazine [121d]
• Babysitter Finds Real-Life ‘Monster’ Under Child’s Bed [121d]
• Musk Announces All 340 Million Americans Must Strip And Take Turn Pushing The Wheel Of Pain [121d]
• Trump Assures Wall Street He’ll Go Back To Just Fucking Over Poor People Soon [121d]
• The Onion’s Exclusive Interview With Chuck Schumer [121d]
• Aaron Rodgers Fuming That NFL Hasn’t Added Expansion Team To Sign Him [121d]
• Heaven Enacts Retaliatory Tariffs On U.S.-Bound Miracles [121d]
• Finance Guy Doing Cocaine In Sad Way This Time [121d]